Going Solo

It is really not so terrible, travelling alone. Quite the contrary. It is quite painful if your fellow-traveller’s idea of a good time is to guzzle beer and sit in front of the idiot box (I have come here to relax, you know, not shop, walk, explore and so on). On a jungle safari, I would rather not have a companion who thinks that there is no paisa-vasool unless a tiger pops out from behind every bush and then wails like Banshee (EEEEEEEE, it will EAT me!) the moment he-she-they see one. On a working holiday, the burden of entertaining the martyred (Why have I come if all you do is work?) will effectively kill both components of your vacation: Holiday and Work. Anyway, me thinks that Superwoman does enough of a balancing act at home to worry about the same away from the hearth.
Thereby, I rest my case that the benefits of travelling alone outweigh the alternative. Except for the men. A lone wayfairer of the fair sex is, excuse my language, easy meat. It is as though she sported a signboard that said: I am alone! I am Easy. I am available.
The stunted male mind logically assumes that a woman on the move all by herself needs a male shoulder (actually, some other unmentionable part of the male anatomy). Noble being that he is, he offers to abbreviate the pain of the lonely female heart and warm her
desolate bed. All for a good cause. Of course, his heroic gesture is in most cases unwelcome. But then men seldom understand the word No.
The hints may be subtle, they usually start that way till the man in question becomes a little bolder if you make the mistake of allowing yourself a little smile: A warning here, if the smile is directed at him — in all innocence — will promptly label you a tease. The other kind of preposition is the swaggering, bold variety: How about a little fun, huh doll? I know you are dying for it, eh! Always, accompanied by a crude gesture. These types, trust me, are easier to handle than the more subtle characters. Same rule applies to the villain in question: The more sophisticated he is, more the chances of him being a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Don’t live under the illusion that the suited-booted type is safe, just because he comes attired in Armani suits and Gucci shoes. Again, danger lurks not just in remote places, the sophisticated corridors of a five-star hotel are just as vulnerable. A married man showing pictures of his wife and adorable offspring could be undressing you mentally, waiting for just the right moment to pop the question.
Aside: Men have their uses on a vacation, primarily carrying luggage, arranging rooms etc. Don’t fall for the trap, pay a coolie instead, men ask for payment in kind. In all my solitary forays, I have concluded that there are no rules or strict formula of the men-to-avoid-while-on-tour. I just assume the worst and get a pleasant surprise when I am proven wrong. At the risk of sounding egoistic, I have to say I am rarely wrong.


• Keep your distance. Be firm, polite and not too friendly till you are sure you can trust the guy. Getting too friendly initially sends the wrong signals.
• Never, ever, smoke, even if you are an addict. That translates as available in Man’s World. Ditto for drinks.
• Take a book with you, be rude and say you prefer the book to him.
• In extreme cases, you can hang a mangalsutra round your neck before the trip (not much of a deterrent). The trick is to call, or pretend to call husba +
• + nd — real or imaginary — and whisper sweet nothings on the cell when things get shaky.
• Try to be in safe situations, with people around you. If you are staying in a lonely place, turn in for the night, locking your doors. Always keep a handy penknife with you.